I'll Keep It To Myself

Our roadtrip was simply a shorter version of this whole escapade. Of my studies abroad in Australia. Perhaps less detailed, perhaps easier to explain. I think both have changed who I am forever, and yet I'm not quite willing to broadcast the details of those changes.

Take yourself out of your situation. I've grown up, gone to the same schools with, and had a stead friendship with a few people my entire life. All too often we let our decisions reflect not what we personally want, but what will meet the expectations of those who know us. Why? Probably becuase we don't know what we want, or who we want to be. And if we do, we have excuses about why we can't. So take all those expectations away. Start with a clean slate, and new group of people, a new situation, and a new presentation: yourself. Decide what and who you want to be, how you think you'd like to be perceived. Play the part. Maybe you'll find that it feels wrong, perhaps that's not really what you want after all. But I did, and I am, and I love it. I'm everything I used to be, but better, stronger, more capable and more motivated. And above all, I beleive in myself. Because now it's no longer a question of "could I?" it's a question of "Should I Again?"

I overheard parts of a conversation from one of my current room mates with a friend of ours, both of whom I met here in Australia. He described a few things he thought about me. I'd love him to have that conversation with someone who has known me all my life, to see their reaction. Perhaps it would be astonishing, on the other hand perhaps not. Maybe I'm the only one who didn't know. Now I do and I'm a better person, in my eyes, for it.

The only question that remains is can I maintain it. When I'm thrust back into the situation where people already have preformed ideas and expectations of me, will change their minds or my own? I'm betting on the former.